David Clarke, Ph.D

It was my first session with a young married couple. Married a little over ten years, they had two healthy kids, good jobs, and a nice house. What they didn't have was any love left in their marriage. The sad story they told me is the same story I've heard from thousands of couples:

"We met, fell in love, and got married. The first few years were great. But, then, things seemed to change. Maybe it was the kids, our jobs, and the hectic pace of life. Our passion drained away little by little. We just kept drifting apart, leadin lives that were more and more seperate. Now, we dont' have much feeling for one another. We're not in love anymore."

What makes this story even more tragic is that this was a Christian couple. both partners knew Jesus Christ personally. Both attended church regularly and help leadership positions. Their marriage looked good from the outsie. No one in their neighborhood or church would have guessed that their love had run dry.

Does this story sound familiar to you? Is your marriage falling part? Has your love, once so alive and intense, died? If so, I have a message of hope and healing for you and your spouse. I'm going to tell you, just as I told this couple, how to rekindle your love and create a brand new marriage.

Human Love Runs Out Of Gas

The first thing to understand is that every married couple's love dies. Every single one! The initial tankful of physical passion and emotional intimacy that fuels your marriage can only take you seven to fourteen years down the road. That's it. Just like a car running out of gas, your tank will unexpectedly go dry, and you'll coast to a stop. There are millions of stalled marriages on the highway of life. Human love, powered by human strength, was never designed by God to carry your marriage forty to fifty years.

True, Lasting Love Comes From God

Since you can't love each other for long in your own power, what can you do? How can you experience true love that will last a lifetime? God provides the answer:

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love, does not know God, for God is love. (I John 4:7-8 NAS)

That's pretty clear, isn't it? Any questions? God is love, and all true love comes from Him. Only God can give you an intimate, passionate, and permanent love.

You Must Spiritually Bond As A Couple

How do you love with God's help, in His power? In genesis 2:24 God tells you how:

For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (NAS, bold mine)

One flesh is a complete coming together of a man and a woman in three areas: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is spritual intimacy which drives the "one flesh" relationship. Spiritual intimacy is how you tap into the power of God and put it to work in marriage.

If you want to love each other with God's love, you must be connectioned to Him as a couple. You must join spiritually. The secret to breathing new life into a dead love is becoming one flesh, spiritually. I call the spiritual bonding. Spiritual bonding is consistantly placing God at the very center of your relationships and growing ever closer to Him as a couple.

When you spiritually bond, it is no longer the two of you doing the loving. it is God Himself doing the loving. When you are literally unable to love your partner anymore, and your marriage is falling apart, you must ask God to step in to do the loving. He will ove your partner through you.

If you have a non-Christian spouse, then your challenge is to follow I Peter 3:1-4 and model a vibrant, healthy Christian life. The closer you are to God, the more deeply and unconditionally you can love your partner. God's love, working through you, will make all the difference in your mate and in your marriage.

Start Praying Together - Now

In my book, A Marriage After God's Own heart, I cover seven areas of spiritual bonding. One of the most powerful and effective ways to bond spiritually is to pray together. And the best time to start praying is right now, when you're in the middle of a marital crisis. I know you think I'm crazy. Praying with your spouse is the last thing you feel like doing. Don't wait until you feel like it. That time will never come, and your marriage will be over. Just do it. Act on faith.

If you're in a crisis, I urge you to see a Christian (licensed) therapist. But don't just see a therapist. you must involve God in the process by praying together. If you pray together, God will give you hope. If you pray together, God will give you the power to do all the hard work needed for healing: express past resentments and forgive, learn to communicate and resolve conflicts, discover how to meet needs, and bring romance and physical passion back into your marriage.

Here's my crash course on praying as a couple. First, schedule three ten-minute prayer times each week. Second, choose one special place in your house to pray. It needs to be private and quiet. Third, hold hands when you pray. Fourth, pray out loud. Fifth, take turns praying specifically for your marriage.

Be honest. Be open. Don't be afraid to let your pain and emotions show. Don't criticize you spouse, but rather tell God what you have done wrong in the marriage. Ask God to help you change. As gently as you can, bring up the behaviors you spouse has done that have hurt you most deeply. Ask God to help you forgive.

At first you prayer times will be awkward an superficial. But as you continue, God will bring down your walls and you will pray as you've never prayed before. You will be closer to God, and to each other, than you have ever been. Remember the couple I described earlier? They decided to pray, and God gave them a new relationship filled with love and passion. It tool time, but God did it. Does your marriage need a miracle? Pray Together.

Featured Resource

A Marriage After God's Own Heart David Clarke Price: $15.00 ADD TO CART A wonderful, loving marriage is an impossible dream when we go at it on our own - but it can transform into a glorious reality with the Lord at its core. Softcover. [MORE]

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